ISSUE NUMBER NINETEEN – COMMENCING SOMETIME LATE SUMMER 2003

 Well we are going to try it again - this one will be e-mailed and is a commemorative edition to promote the launch of the new Villea Village Website.

 Our Webmaster wishes to remain anonymous for legal reasons and we hope that we will give you a taste of what you are missing.

 News

 Most of the usual sinners are in the Village wreaking havoc and whacking up the Fisherman Jacks bar takings – Tony and Julie,  Matt and Diane, Clive, Jan – Cocktail Queen, Mr. and Mrs. O’Clock, Susan (Ann’s chum)  - most of them for the second, or in the case of Clive and Susan, third time this year – Bravo chaps!.

 Tony managed to spend an entire week here earlier this year without requiring medical attention – now that’s saying something!  Generally the local dentist rubs his hands in anticipation as soon Tony gets here.  However, he’s here again but it’s too early to say what will happen before the week is out, but he has fallen backwards off a bar stool already.

 This week’s best wind up came from the Head Honcho Vassilis – Ed arrived at Fisherman Jacks – “Hey Tony” said Ed “What’s the fish”? “Its Lumberjack fish” said Tony. Yes I know – no such thing - it was Amberjack – but our Tony is well convinced that Lumberjack is a fish! Bless him!!

 You know you are in a very un-commercialized part of Crete when you get change from the bank and its gift wrapped – oh that Paparazzi had been there that day...

The picture on the right might give you a clue to the fact that you cannot always get the parts down here on the islands – so we have to be innovative. Shown here is a prime example………. a £4000 professional oven with a 3 quid lavatory handle on it!!  No prizes for guessing which Cordon Bleu Chef is responsible.

 The current major shortage in the Village (apart from oven handles) is beer mats – thanks finally to Mat and Clive for filling the void.

 GREEK IN 35 YEARS 

The word Sikia means fig – which is not be confused with Karen’s last name which is Figg, nor the town of Sitia which, as far as I know means nothing at all.

 TRAVEL ADVISORY.

I am off with the old one – why, when you check in and they bitch about the weight of your carry on, can you then just wander into Boots airside, buy 10 kilograms of wash and go, suntan lotion etc and no one says a word?  I hope you all know that in the early days of BA – back then it was British Empire Airlines and took, I think, a week to fly to Australia – they weighed the passengers with their baggage – that’s fair isn’t it?

 QUOTES OF THE WEEK 

 Daniela mentioned that she was given an exercise video – any good we said – yes was the reply I watched it with a nice glass of white wine and a fag!

 The Bungee free beer competition continues, although when Mark arrived, just in time and was asked “Here for the free beer competition?” Reply “I’d rather buy it”!

 Paula, who is patently geographically challenged, gave us the delight of her comment regarding her earlier visit to Cefalonia. “It was not very Cretan”.  For those similarly challenged it’s an island near Corfu and it is the home of the Patron Saint of Lunatics, St. Gerasimos – enough said!

 DOG WATCH

Tim has Bobby who is cute, Alkis still has Creta, Daniela has Ratso (sorry I mean Fido), Ann and Mark have Roly Poly (show us your willie) and Martha who is so nice but dim, carrying on up the hill Judy and Den have Billie Bean, Rosina and Nellie (Martha’s daughter). Nikolara has Tsar who is Creta's nephew. Villea still has no dog rules although the car park is now known as ‘the dog park’, and we still have Mittens the cat and two goldfish.

Sue had two chickens in the winter but they had to be adopted on account of eating the flowers and pooing on the path.

 Daniela rescued Fido (above right) after finding him in a gutter back in April when he was only about three weeks old.  On his first trip to Michaelis the Vet in Ierepetra, Daniela was trying to establish with Michaelis what breed of dog Fido might be. Michaelis response– “A cat!!”  Daniela wants to call him a German Samurai Toad Wrestler. For those of you who don’t know Daniela here is a picture of her (right) recreating the moment she found Fido.

 We do get some interesting guests here – checkout www.aussiesoverland.com – these crazy Aussies are going round the world on a motorbike – that includes Pakistan, Iran like places etc.  Ellen is a journalist and did a live radio broadcast from Fisherman Jacks Pool Bar on Radio Melbourne.  It just so happened that one of our regular visitors, Lord Farnsworth, had just exported several thousand of Aunt Bessies Yorkshire Puddings to Australia. So there Ellen sat, talking live on Radio Melbourne, surrounded by lots of crazies saying “ I am standing at the bar at Villea Village, Makrigialos, Crete next to a man who just sent X thousand Yorkshire Puddings to Australia. 

 Everything is seasonal down here - well right now it’s the season for the Calamari to “leap” out of the water – last night they leapt right out of the water in front of Limani restaurant – much to the surprise of Tony, Julie, Matt, Diane, Danny, Ann and Vassilis.

 What’s really worrying is that Vassilis  is tonight walking through the sea in the harbour wearing white socks and carrying a torch – hell I know we need padded rooms in this place….where are you Saint Gerasimos when we need you!?

 There was a lovely article in a Greek magazine the other week – it featured Porfira, showed a picture of Piperia and as best as we can tell listed the menu at Dragons Cave.

 The number of ex pats is growing - we now have the posture police in the form of Amnon the shiatsu guy – (that’s the massage not the dog) and someone said “Amnon is God! I don’t know what he does but I like the bits he presses”.  Another new permanent arrival is Alan ‘Little Legs’ who is in the process of buying a house in Lithines.  A welcome arrival as he is not only a nice guy but also a plumber – and what does Greece need more than anything? Answer – Good plumbing!!

 SPOTTED Good old Hani get the award for re-cycling. They have painted the drum of a washing machine blue and put plants in it – it actually looks like something to do with olive picking but its not, and looks quite pretty (to a man on a galloping horse!).

I am writing this during Fisherman Jacks Happy Hour and it’s not easy when everyone else is wazzing it up with half price cocktails and some big tough farmers are getting rowdy!!! – Big tough farmers pictured right.

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